Today, I asked God for a sign. I don’t normally do this. It’s more of a Catholic thing to do. Honestly, I don’t even know if I got a sign, but I did have an epiphany (not in a Catholic way). Even, that language might be too strong. Starting over…
Where am I going to church today?
I don’t know. Comfort. Ease. Because they’re basically Catholic’s in disguise.
I’ll go to Brookline in the morning, Mass at night, and I’ll figure everything out today.
These were my thoughts this morning. I go to mass everyday at Boston College, and I’ve attended lots of others services all across Boston. Many different flavors of Mass, Episcopal, Evangelical, Theology on Tap… I love mass, and I also love other churches. I decided to go to both this week and asked God for a sign.
At Brookline this morning, it is not my favorite guy preaching. Maybe I’ll be able to preach if I keep it up here. I love it here. I asked myself this morning, “Why am I coming here? For what purpose?” I think it’s just comfort. The people are nice. I like the lack of choice. What I mean is that this is a small group of people, so you have to take them as they are, no choice. It’s funny because that is the exact reason why I haven’t attended here while I’ve been in Boston the past four years.
Then again, this comfort and lack of choice is what I like about Saint Ignatius Catholic Church as well. Today, I’m determined to inquire about the young professional group and RCIA. I’m thinking about this, in the Church of Christ pew. I want to do both. I want to document. I want a sincere search.
There are two things that have been consistent and sacramental in my life—mass and meals. Mass is the ritual. Attendance. Showing up. Being. Presence. Allowing the Spirit to fill in the blank. Meals is the community. That extra oomph the ritual needs. People. Reaching out. Participating. Learning and growing together. Evangelizing. Even though these things give me the most meaning, I haven’t gone all in with either of these things. But now, I’m going to do it: daily Mass, Church of Christ, and RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). I’m not totally sure why I’m so into it. Why these two? I’m drawn over and over. It makes no sense and perfect sense.
Church is important to me, and I want it to keep being real, true, ever-changing, and steadfast. I know I can do this. I know I can keep this writing up. I don’t know what it will be in the end, or where it will come from. Part of me wants to keep it a secret, and I probably will for a little while. Maybe for years.
The most striking part of what I wrote at church today was my priorities. Right now, church, for whatever reason, is number one. When I decided to go to Mass everyday last fall, it was more life giving than I expected. I used it to keep me connected, and it did, and it does, and I will probably do it for as long as I possibly can. Daily mass, in my mind, is the equivalent to the evangelical daily devotion/prayer/Bible-reading. Except, it’s with a group! In daily Mass, you get the fullness of church every single day! What evangelical would say not to that? There definitely needs to be a healthy balance of church that is all-engrossing, and church that is separate and apart from the rest of the world. I suppose that is why I choose both.
A church that is all-engrossing, permeating every part of being and life. A very public church. Then a church that is separate and apart from the rest of my world. The part that reaches outside of herself to embrace the excluded. Or is this a church where I can hide, escape, retreat? When I am excluded and embraced.
Why do they feel so separate and the same?
I took some steps today. I gave my information at Brookline. That way, I can get a ride to church whenever I want. And I emailed Saint Ignatius about their young professional group and RCIA.
That’s right, finally, after five years of Catholicyness, I asked seriously about RCIA. I want to be involved.
Church and food have been my obsessions this past year, and I’m finally going to organize and recognize. Is there some sort of intersection? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Will I be confirmed in the end? Another mystery.
But after 10 years post high school in emerging adulthood, I have figured out my priorities, and I’m going to stick with them, and see what happens.
Time for Mass.
(July 8, 2016. I laugh every time I read that second to last sentence. Wish I could latch onto that “emerging adulthood” certitude.)