This Spiritual Enlightenment Path is THE WORST

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

September 26


I ask myself over and over, “Why am I doing this Catholic thing?” Also, “Where am I most needed?” And also, “Where am I being called to?” Naturally, I started thinking about being a woman. Follow me.

Now, I am preaching in a church of Christ on Sunday, but I can’t do that in Catholic church. For a moment, I felt like I had less opportunity to serve in the Catholic church as opposed to the church of Christ. Then I realized that that might be true, for less than 1% of churches of Christ. Because in the other 99%, I can’t do anything except form and teach tiny unbaptized child minds. The only thing I can’t do in Catholic churches is be a priest. I could still do homiletics. I can teach, pray, read, and so on. I can’t “absolve” sins, but my protestant roots won’t let the priest do that anyway. Jesus does that. Thank you very much.

I have a tendency to get really into things that I’m into at the time. Most things don’t stick. Right now, I’m really into spiritual-y things and being a preacherette. I’ve listened to D’Esta Love and Nadia Bolz-Weber. And I’m really into it. I am also always wondering what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and at the moment, I’m feeling like I might want to be some sort of minister. Alright, that’s not really news. But I think what I’m struggling with now, is how? Where? And why there?

It’s basically impossible to be a woman minister in the church of Christ, and I don’t know if I want to. I’m not even sure what ministry in Catholic churches looks like. I know they can be frustrating and limiting, and I’m not sure if want to. What’s that? A church ministry that is frustrating and limiting? No. I’ve never heard of such a thing.

I wondered, maybe, “Episcopal Paige?”

Part of my hesitancy in the church of Christ and Catholic church is the fact that I know I am not appreciated there, and that is what sucks. Does that matter? Working on this whole “Becoming Catholic and Being Protestant” thing is hard, but I do love it. I like pushing my spiritual bounds. And I’ve been saying that for a while, I want to do ministry. The most difficult thing has been figuring out where. Which I guess I’m kind of doing right now. This spiritual enlightenment path is THE WORST.

I’m listening to ICONA POP right now. I was thinking about how I think I’m going to need to dance post preaching. And I thought how silly it would be to just have a dance party after church, just like a short little shake it out. Goof off, let go, be weird, vulnerable, relax, go home. No afternoon nap necessary. Oh man, I’m going to nap so hard when this is all over!

If I ran a church there would be a dance party after every service (within context of course).


Author: Paige

Explorer. Healer. Eater. School counselor, teacher, party planner. Personal passions are holistic healthcare education, spirituality, food, and writing.

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