I Miss Certitude

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

October 16

Yesterday was RCIA, and the day before that, was church.

At CoC, I was overly complimented for my sermon, and I awkwardly didn’t know what to say. It made me wonder if I would make a good “Pastor.” It’s something that I’m out of practice at, but I think I would like. But then again, I wonder about being a teacher. I guess they go hand in hand. I was a bit caught off guard. I didn’t know what to do/say, so I just said, “Thank you.” For the moment, I’m not called to pastor. I’m just doing my thing: learn, grow, share.

Also, Bob said he’s giving my email and number to D’Esta (Pepperdine chaplain emeritus) because she is writing a book of CoC women sermons right now. I’m not intimidated at all…

Then in RCIA it was nice to sit and listen to people talk a little bit about their draw to Jesus. There were some questions that I hadn’t thought about for a while, like, what’s my favorite Jesus story? How do I see Jesus right now? What is it that I want from Jesus? Or even, Where did I see God this week?

I haven’t taken time to meditate on these things for a while or read the Bible in a big chunk. What struck me the most was the question, “What do I want?”

And this is where I pause, because, I don’t know. My first thought in RCIA class was “A job!” i.e., direction, vocation, calling, and more certitude. Certitude for me is really really really knowing, and knowing specifics, believing specifics. No doubt.

It’s strange the way once certitude leaves, it doesn’t really come back. I suppose you could be certain of something else? I don’t know what I want. And I get distracted easily from answering the question.


Author: Paige

Explorer. Healer. Eater. School counselor, teacher, party planner. Personal passions are holistic healthcare education, spirituality, food, and writing.

One thought on “I Miss Certitude”

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