Catholic friends tell me that I shouldn’t become Catholic. Random Catholic dudes tell me I’d make a great priest. Boyfriend asks me whether I’ve thought about being an Episcopal priest… What’s a girl to do?
Earlier in my writings, and still sometimes, I felt as though, duh, I’m probably going to become Catholic. But I’m still not sure. I even said yesterday, “Choosing a denomination is like, pick your poison.” How much does it really matter? You want to at least like the group you’re in a little. It’s kind of like a relationship. You want there to be give and take, openness, love, not messing around.
I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and there is always a story of how people choose their group. For Nadia Bolz-Weber, a church of Christ convert, her husband is also a Lutheran minister. And so, she is Lutheran (though not solely because of her husband). It all fits so nicely. I know what churches I would fit in line with: Episcopal and ELCA (Lutheran). And I would probably be pretty happy with a lot less existential angst.
Then I also wonder, even though it’s impossible to agree on everything, “Is choosing a church you like because you agree with most of it a cop-out?” I think it is a beautiful thing to be able to “convert” in your own religion. I think it is a sign of the Spirit— converting is to have a transformative experience. And never changing is not a spiritual experience. If you don’t like this place in Christianity, go over there and you’ll find your people. I guess whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we all do this, and not just in church.
Last night, I was thinking about the Catholic church and having kids. I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up and feel like they have some sort of special power (or not) because of gender. If they were gay, I wouldn’t want them feeling like silent outcasts. I wouldn’t want any kids to feel that way! Going Episcopal could, in some ways, ease this fear of my own. I mean, I know it’s possible to be liberal in a conservative environment, and to raise kids who don’t hate. I was one of them (by a miracle). Although that might have been a byproduct of a dad who was “going to hell” in our church. Nevertheless, if I can love him, and he can love me, I can love anybody and not judge, and have hope, and believe Jesus saves everyone.
So, now, I’m kind of considering the priesthood? I know I can’t make it in my own church of Christ (well, if they actually were egalitarian and loved the gays, I’d be more inclined, but that’s not likely to happen, depending on my geographic location).
And then, I’m not so sure about the Catholic church either. I’ve said before, in good conscious, I don’t think I can do it because I know I don’t agree with a lot of stuff (even though I really like and appreciate the church).
So here I am, unknown again.