I am not a traditional kind of girl. My lack of tradition and my inability to fit to a certain cultural standard is very stressful sometimes. I told my mom about RCIA, and she was excited, “You’re gonna become Catholic?!” She also agreed how unfair it is that Catholics can be Protestanty, but Protestants can’t be Catholicy. And then she talked about how much she likes secretly being both.
Anyway, this season of Advent feels like the opposite of waiting. Waiting. Patience. Anxiety. Hope. It’s a weird place to be waiting. Because, in my experience, it’s like you’re so close, you’re practically there, you feel all the feelings like you are there, but you are not there, you are waiting. Maybe planning. Maybe preparing. Maybe not. Everything is so close! But so far away. There is so much pressure! But it’s out of my control.
What do we do when we wait? What do I do when I wait?
Waiting in line at a theme park or grocery store.
Waiting to be waited on.
Waiting for a ring.
Waiting for a ceremony.
Waiting to quit.
Waiting to do something new.
Waiting for calling.
Waiting for vacation.
Waiting for inspiration.
Waiting for change.
Waiting for the right moment.
Waiting to move.
All these things are in and out of my control. I want to control them all. I want to believe that I can make these things happen when and how I want them. But you know what they say, “The best laid plans…” I can do some, I can take myself so far, and then I wait. Something happens, and then I do it again.
I know a lot of people complain when waiting, especially when it comes to food, i.e. grocery stores and restaurants. I seem to always choose the slowest grocery line or have the slowest waiter. In these situations, I’ve given up complaining (for the most part). I’ll either wait patiently, accept my situation, or change lines/restaurants (which sometimes makes no difference at all). I’m not trying to be pessimistic, but that’s what I mean by things being out of my control: If I change my situation, I may just end up in the same situation somewhere else. (Insert Paige becoming Catholic metaphor here.)