It was very emotional at Mass today. I was thinking about how badly I want Eucharist. And I was thinking about how I could totally steal it if I wanted to. And I was thinking about how I have taken it before. And I was wondering about whether I would give Eucharist to people at my wedding who I know are not Catholic, and I thought, “Yes.” And they sang “The Servant Song” during Eucharist, and I think I would like that to be sung at my wedding also at Eucharist.
I asked myself the question (again), “Paige, why do you want to become Catholic?” Really, it’s very simple, and it always has been. I’ve been going to Catholic mass a long time. I don’t anticipate stopping going to mass. I enjoy the community, and I would like to participate fully in that community. There’s really no reason to make it any more complicated than that. Could I have ended up some place else? Yes. Could I still end up some place else? Of course. Why does any person join any church? Because their parents made them? Sometimes yes. Because they believe that church is the most right? Sometimes also yes, but this is not the case for me. There are tons of reasons, and none of them are ever really good enough. God makes us good enough.
I have an “It will all even out in the end” sort of attitude. As many good things are in one church, there are also bad. And every church is that way. Disagree if you want, but everyone seems to be working towards the same thing: enlightenment, salvation, kingdom, heaven, good, you name it. My preferred way is Jesus, who has, over time, developed into hundreds of Christian flavors.
I heard two sermon flavors today: one about the transfiguration of Jesus, and another on not worrying, and both touched on being born-again.
At Brookline, the preacher asked us at church to think about how we’ve been transformed in our lives. It didn’t have to be a huge transformation. It was interesting because he is one of those people who were, in his words, in the trailer park, drinking beer with his dad, abusing life, and now is a PhD student in Bible. That’s a big turn around. A real traditional born-again situation.
There wasn’t a lot of time to reflect, but no one else had much of a story to tell like that. I definitely don’t. I like to think I have a good story, but there hasn’t been any big “transfiguration.” Where who I was is so drastically different from who I’ve become. I haven’t strayed far from the path. I’ve sought God for as long as I can remember. I’ve changed my mind about some things, I’ve gone to different types of churches, I’ve grown up, but the way in which I’ve grown up, and the family that I’ve come from, it’s not that big of a surprise where I am. Another person spoke up about how the older we get, we may see bigger transformation. True. Hindsight is 20/20.
But the point made in mass was about how we’ve all been born into a nice zip code (02458 is very nice), and our worrying keeps us working, and getting what we want. Being born once is good enough for us. I get this, and I feel that way. Because, odds are, if I was born again, I would not have nearly as nice a situation as I do now. My first birth is good enough for me.
I have no idea how this whole “Becoming Catholic” thing will work itself out. It is a risk I’m willing to take, just like anyone takes when they commit. Is this a born again experience? It doesn’t feel that way, but I suppose it could very well be.