Confession: I Still Don’t Get Sin

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

I don’t know how to prepare for a “first confession”. It’s a strange thing being a candidate for the Catholic church. In RCIA, we were basically told to do it, and I did. My only experience with Catholic confession is from Hollywood. Usually set in a small dark lonely box inside a small dark church. In TV and movies usually the camera is right in the priest or confessors face. The light is right above them casting unflattering shadows. I felt like when I went in to do confession that the light would be dark or dim, but it definitely wasn’t. It was in a college administrative office, bright florescent lights. I sat on a couch facing him in his office chair with a coffee table between us. I was talking to a priest, where the last interaction I had with him was five years before trying to get a job in Campus Ministry. He had no idea who I was.

Technically, Catholics are supposed to do confession like right before they go to communion. Or is it as long as they have no mortal sin on their shoulders? I don’t know. They got to be a clean vessel for Jesus to meld with… or something like that. Though, I’ve been told that Augustine thought/said that going to mass was a cleansing enough process for the average Catholic to partake. Not to undermine the significance of confession.

I was really nervous, and I thought a lot about my sin. I realized after that, really, the priest has more to be afraid of. I mean, who knows what kind of sinning I’ve been doing, right? And he has to hear it. I didn’t want it to be fast, but I also didn’t want it to take forever. From what I remember, he didn’t want it to take forever either. Not that I felt rushed, but after a certain point, and a certain feeling of remorse, what more is there to do or say? Pray, receive forgiveness, forgive yourself, and move on?

Weirdly, I cried. I did not expect to cry. I felt light afterwards. I’d done my new Catholic duty, though I’m still not sure what the etiquette is…

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Author: Paige

Explorer. Healer. Eater. School counselor, teacher, party planner. Personal passions are holistic healthcare education, spirituality, food, and writing.

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