5 Biblical Reasons NOT to Get Married

Warning: Hyperbole about to ensue.

Whenever people get their panties in a bunch over marriage, divorce, same-sex marriage, and gender identity issues, I can’t help but want to go back to the Bible, which is very anti-family and anti-marriage all together.

Usually when the Bible does talk about marriage, it’s not in a ritualistic sense, like, “This is how Christians get married…” but more in a, “Welp, you’re married, so this is how it’s going to work now that there are married Christians, and Christian families.” Marriage in culture existed before Christianity did, so Christians had to figure out how to appropriate it into their culture, instead of listening to what the Bible says and just not get married.

Here are 5 Biblical reasons not to get married

  1. Adam and Eve.

Let’s just start from the beginning. Adam and Eve are not good examples of a couple or as parents. People quote Genesis and refer to Adam and Eve like they are some kind of model of perfection, but they are responsible for the fall of mankind AND the oldest son MURDERS the younger. I don’t know what made people decide it was a good idea to get together and procreate after this. It’s as if our relationships were doomed from the very get go.

2. Pretty much every relationship and family in the Old Testament AFTER Adam and Eve.

Does anyone actually read the Bible? Multiple wives. Murder. Rape. Adultery. Incest. Manipulation. It’s like people were considered property or something.

3. The Cost of Discipleship: Luke 14:25-27

Large crowds were now traveling with Jesus, and He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.

And there’s more…

Matthew 10:37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

And more…

John 12:25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

It seems pretty clear to me that Jesus is not for family. It’s not something that he talks about a ton. We don’t even hear much of his own relationship with family. He wasn’t married as far as we know.

Basically, every Christian needs to be prepared to give up everything AKA person at any moment, and being married and having children does not lend itself very well to that.

Christians don’t want to be married because Jesus said that it’s good to be married, they want to be married because they want it. It’s as if people and relationships are things. And Jesus is definitely not for wanting, getting, or keeping things.

4. Jesus says to GIVE UP EVERYTHING.

I have never understood how Christians do mental gymnastics to get around this.

Luke 14:33 “…those of you who do not give up everything they have cannot be my disciples.”

Matthew 19:21 “If you want to be perfect, go, sell all of your possessions and give to the poor. And you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

And there’s more… Luke 18:22, Acts 2:45. Acts 2:45 is compelling because it is the example of the first Christians doing this command. If you are married and you have children, you are much less likely to share because it’s all about your family before anyone else.

Putting your family before the needy and poor in your Christian community is anti-Christian. How do you get around this? Don’t get married or have a family.

5. Paul on Marriage: 1 Corinthians 7

This is a treasure trove. In the first verse, it appears that the Corinthians assumed that they couldn’t have sex (with anyone), and it was complicating the community. Paul clears this up by letting them know they can get with their spouses–BUT NOT TOO MUCH.

Paul also highly recommends that widows not remarry, and that the unmarried remain unmarried.

1 Corinthians 7:28 “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”

Paul is LITERALLY reassuring the community that marriage isn’t a sin, but probably isn’t worth going through if you’re a Christian.

Why do we do it? And why do we care how other people do it?

Probably because sex is the biggest competitor with religion.

So, Christian, if you’re not married, don’t fret! You’re probably closer to Christ and more Christian than the rest of us who put a ring on it.


Christian Converting to Christian

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

November 4

Catholic friends tell me that I shouldn’t become Catholic. Random Catholic dudes tell me I’d make a great priest. Boyfriend asks me whether I’ve thought about being an Episcopal priest… What’s a girl to do?

Earlier in my writings, and still sometimes, I felt as though, duh, I’m probably going to become Catholic. But I’m still not sure. I even said yesterday, “Choosing a denomination is like, pick your poison.” How much does it really matter? You want to at least like the group you’re in a little. It’s kind of like a relationship. You want there to be give and take, openness, love, not messing around.

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and there is always a story of how people choose their group. For Nadia Bolz-Weber, a church of Christ convert, her husband is also a Lutheran minister. And so, she is Lutheran (though not solely because of her husband). It all fits so nicely. I know what churches I would fit in line with: Episcopal and ELCA (Lutheran). And I would probably be pretty happy with a lot less existential angst.

Then I also wonder, even though it’s impossible to agree on everything, “Is choosing a church you like because you agree with most of it a cop-out?” I think it is a beautiful thing to be able to “convert” in your own religion. I think it is a sign of the Spirit— converting is to have a transformative experience. And never changing is not a spiritual experience. If you don’t like this place in Christianity, go over there and you’ll find your people. I guess whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we all do this, and not just in church.

Last night, I was thinking about the Catholic church and having kids. I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up and feel like they have some sort of special power (or not) because of gender. If they were gay, I wouldn’t want them feeling like silent outcasts. I wouldn’t want any kids to feel that way! Going Episcopal could, in some ways, ease this fear of my own. I mean, I know it’s possible to be liberal in a conservative environment, and to raise kids who don’t hate. I was one of them (by a miracle). Although that might have been a byproduct of a dad who was “going to hell” in our church. Nevertheless, if I can love him, and he can love me, I can love anybody and not judge, and have hope, and believe Jesus saves everyone.

So, now, I’m kind of considering the priesthood? I know I can’t make it in my own church of Christ (well, if they actually were egalitarian and loved the gays, I’d be more inclined, but that’s not likely to happen, depending on my geographic location).

And then, I’m not so sure about the Catholic church either. I’ve said before, in good conscious, I don’t think I can do it because I know I don’t agree with a lot of stuff (even though I really like and appreciate the church).

So here I am, unknown again.