5 Biblical Reasons NOT to Get Married

Warning: Hyperbole about to ensue.

Whenever people get their panties in a bunch over marriage, divorce, same-sex marriage, and gender identity issues, I can’t help but want to go back to the Bible, which is very anti-family and anti-marriage all together.

Usually when the Bible does talk about marriage, it’s not in a ritualistic sense, like, “This is how Christians get married…” but more in a, “Welp, you’re married, so this is how it’s going to work now that there are married Christians, and Christian families.” Marriage in culture existed before Christianity did, so Christians had to figure out how to appropriate it into their culture, instead of listening to what the Bible says and just not get married.

Here are 5 Biblical reasons not to get married

  1. Adam and Eve.

Let’s just start from the beginning. Adam and Eve are not good examples of a couple or as parents. People quote Genesis and refer to Adam and Eve like they are some kind of model of perfection, but they are responsible for the fall of mankind AND the oldest son MURDERS the younger. I don’t know what made people decide it was a good idea to get together and procreate after this. It’s as if our relationships were doomed from the very get go.

2. Pretty much every relationship and family in the Old Testament AFTER Adam and Eve.

Does anyone actually read the Bible? Multiple wives. Murder. Rape. Adultery. Incest. Manipulation. It’s like people were considered property or something.

3. The Cost of Discipleship: Luke 14:25-27

Large crowds were now traveling with Jesus, and He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.

And there’s more…

Matthew 10:37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

And more…

John 12:25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

It seems pretty clear to me that Jesus is not for family. It’s not something that he talks about a ton. We don’t even hear much of his own relationship with family. He wasn’t married as far as we know.

Basically, every Christian needs to be prepared to give up everything AKA person at any moment, and being married and having children does not lend itself very well to that.

Christians don’t want to be married because Jesus said that it’s good to be married, they want to be married because they want it. It’s as if people and relationships are things. And Jesus is definitely not for wanting, getting, or keeping things.

4. Jesus says to GIVE UP EVERYTHING.

I have never understood how Christians do mental gymnastics to get around this.

Luke 14:33 “…those of you who do not give up everything they have cannot be my disciples.”

Matthew 19:21 “If you want to be perfect, go, sell all of your possessions and give to the poor. And you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

And there’s more… Luke 18:22, Acts 2:45. Acts 2:45 is compelling because it is the example of the first Christians doing this command. If you are married and you have children, you are much less likely to share because it’s all about your family before anyone else.

Putting your family before the needy and poor in your Christian community is anti-Christian. How do you get around this? Don’t get married or have a family.

5. Paul on Marriage: 1 Corinthians 7

This is a treasure trove. In the first verse, it appears that the Corinthians assumed that they couldn’t have sex (with anyone), and it was complicating the community. Paul clears this up by letting them know they can get with their spouses–BUT NOT TOO MUCH.

Paul also highly recommends that widows not remarry, and that the unmarried remain unmarried.

1 Corinthians 7:28 “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”

Paul is LITERALLY reassuring the community that marriage isn’t a sin, but probably isn’t worth going through if you’re a Christian.

Why do we do it? And why do we care how other people do it?

Probably because sex is the biggest competitor with religion.

So, Christian, if you’re not married, don’t fret! You’re probably closer to Christ and more Christian than the rest of us who put a ring on it.

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Protestant and Catholic Sacraments

“Lord’s Supper”

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

February 20

Something weird happened to me the other day. My buddy, who was/is Catholic, not sure, kind of annoyed me. It was a weird feeling because I felt defensive of the Catholic church. I felt like an annoyed/offended Catholic. I felt kind of judged and maybe even attacked and maybe even silly for some of the choices that I make. Now, my buddy would feel so bad if he knew any of this. He doesn’t want to annoy me or offend me, and when he thinks he does, he feels so bad.

I was talking about the paperwork that goes into Catholicy wedding things, and he said something along the lines of “Maybe just not do any of that bs.” Essentially, a Catholic wedding. Maybe I sounded like I was annoyed at all the paperwork and he was trying to empathize? That actually makes more sense. But the fact is, wedding planning is a lot of paperwork no matter where/how you do it. Sure, there are ways around it, like, don’t invite anyone, but otherwise, it’s a serious ordeal. And no doubt, when/if he gets married, it will be a serious ordeal for him.

Even though he says, “Maybe not do any of that bs.” I know his present girlfriend will be all about a super liturgy. She doesn’t want a Catholic wedding, and that’s fine, but she wants a wedding in a church, and any church wedding requires “that bs.” I felt a little caught off guard because Steve wants a Catholic wedding (because he’s Catholic), and I’m perfectly fine with a Catholic wedding (maybe even also want it), and I didn’t like my decision to be okay with a Catholic wedding to constitute as any more BSy than any other type of church wedding.

Again, I don’t really think my friend meant any harm by it, he just says those things sometimes as a way of empathizing with a potentially crappy process. Like confirmation!

Marriage is a sacrament, and like confirmation, there are all these rites and rules, and there is no bending any of it to be “officially sanctioned” somehow by the Church as a-okay! Now you’re married and can have sex and babies. Just like confirmation (kind of), you get “officially sanctioned” as a-okay by the church to, I don’t know, take communion? Be fully in grace? I have no idea.

If you’re an adult you get all the sacraments at once: baptism, confirmation, [confession], communion. And if you’re raised Catholic it’s baptism, confession, communion, confirmation, all spread out over about 13 years.

Anyway, I just needed to get this Catholic defensive feeling off my chest, because I didn’t really like it.

June 8, 2016

I barely remember this day, and this day seems like I was very annoyed. There were a couple things going on. First, I had just recently become engaged, and the the first couple months of wedding planning are the worst. It is exhausting, and I wasn’t Catholic, planning a Catholic wedding. Looking back, it probably was a lot of bs. The paperwork is ridiculous. On the other hand, this meticulous record keeping is part of what keeps the Catholic church in business. In that sense, I get it.

But the part of this entry that got to me was the part about the rites and rules and steps that a person must take in order to par-take in something in the church. I know it’s all holy and sacramental and all that, and no one is perfect, but I still don’t get confirmation. I get these things on a very trivial level. Let me explain the sacraments in Protestanty terms: 

  1. Catholic Baptism—For Protestants this is like a baby-dedication. We’re initiating this child into the community and committing to training this child in Catholicy things.
  2. Catholic Communion—Protestant Cracker and juice. Think about Jesus.
  3. Catholic Confession—Protestant Feel sorry for your sins, confess them to someone.
  4. Catholic Confirmation—That member training/teaching that some Protestant churches do before you place membership. Confirmation and confession in the Catholic church are kind of like baptism in some protestant churches— at this point, you know you’re sinful, and you know what the church is about, so commit with baptism.
  5. Catholic/Protestant Marriage—Now you can have sex.
  6. Catholic Ordination—Protestant Process of becoming a church leader.
  7. Catholic Healing the sick—Protestant Caring for others.

All that to say, I still don’t get confirmation, and I do get why people don’t want to do it. It is extreme.

Yes Dear, Sleep Naked, and 30 Other Reasons My Parents are Awesome On Their 30th Anniversary

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I’m always really bad about remembering when my parents anniversary is. But there are a couple things that remind me. 1) My birthday is, give or take, one year after they were married. And 2) the month of September, because I know that this is the month that it’s in. Is it at the beginning? Is it at the end? I don’t know. All I know is that this year is their THIRTIETH! 30 years. INSANE. And I’m not even sure if today is the day.

Continue reading “Yes Dear, Sleep Naked, and 30 Other Reasons My Parents are Awesome On Their 30th Anniversary”