A Letter From Depression

Read “A Letter to Depression” Here

Dear Paige,

It’s good to hear from you, and I’m glad you’re doing well and trying to help others. That’s always what I’m trying to do…

You are correct. I am always there. Most, if not all people, know me in some form or fashion at some point in their life. I feel good that some people want to hang out with me for so long, but I don’t always understand why. I may appear in a time of need, but after a while, I don’t choose to be with them, they choose to be with me.

Maybe it’s because I’m pretty reliable, I’m there more consistently than people. I’m better at reminding and remembering things you’d rather forget. People don’t show up or ask questions. People don’t ask about me or talk about me. People ignore me, deny me, tell me to go away, which never works. So, I stick around as long as necessary.

Sometimes I’m there to remind people of something that they forgot. People would rather be with me than the memory, whatever it is. It doesn’t matter to me what happened. I don’t judge. I don’t bring shame. I’m just something to focus on instead, and that’s cool with me.

But what makes me back off? That’s a good question. I mean, I know when I’m needed, and when I “go away” it’s more like melting. Or I’m like a force field that is no longer necessary. Most of the time, it does take some amount of time.

I feel like people want me to go away as quick as possible, they HATE me, which only makes me closer. If I wasn’t there, then people would never be able to be real. To deny me is to deny your realness and reality, and that’s why I can be so strong. Until that realness and reality is owned with other humans, I’m like slime or stuck like a barnacle. Imagine, people just walking around covered in slime, unable to talk or connect with one another… Or worse, a person yelling at a slimed person to get the slime off. “What? I can’t hear you.”

Hurricanes hit. Parents die. People hurt other people. Accidents happen.

And I’m there to help.

At least until you get a good hug. Or your pain is recognized by another. Or you tell your story. Or if you have a good cry, maybe even with another human. Of you have deep reflection. Or you’re caught in intense prayer. Or you figure something out. Or you forgive. Or there is gratitude. Or there is mercy.

I keep you safe and known until you’re ready for some of the above.

Hope this helps.




RCIA Prayer Retreat

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

October 26

This weekend we had our first RCIA day retreat on prayer. We practiced several types of prayer. We began with an introduction learning about a nice acronym of the types of prayers: A.C.T.S.

  • Adoration
  • Contrition
  • Thanksgiving
  • Supplication

Then we did some contemplative prayer. In this type of prayer, you read through a scripture passage (or anything really) several times, and enter into it imaginatively. The reading we had was the anointing of Jesus in Luke 7:36-50. I imagined throwing a party where I invited Jesus. I invited everyone, even my friends that I hoped wouldn’t show up. Well, of course, they show up, and who does Jesus spend all his time talking to? The most annoying person at the party—chatty, attention hog, annoying. I learned in this first imaginative contemplation: be better friends with everyone, not just the cool kids.

We took lunch, and then did a “Spiritual Life Map.” I have a big map, and I was not alone.

We did more contemplative type prayer—Lectio Divina. In this type of prayer, we read through a passage slowly, focusing on a word or two. Listening to what God is speaking to us in the passage. There are four movements in this type of prayer:

  1. Read the passage. No judgment. Not slow. Not fast. This is the primer. Pick a word or phrase that pops out at you.
  2. Read it again. Listen. What is God saying to you?
  3. Read it again. Respond. What do you want to say to God?
  4. Read it again. What are you feeling? What do you need to do?

Then we did some prayer where you focus on one word or phrase for a while. We sat and we walked and repeated the phrase over and over in our minds. I repeated, “Lord Jesus Christ Son of God.”

The retreat was fun, but now, I’m tired.

An Old Fashioned Evening Prayer

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.

October 24

Loving compassionate God. My first thought these days is always, “I miss you.” Though I’m not sure what I miss. You are as close as ever. Walking with me as I go to work. Sitting by me in Mass. Speaking with me at church. Talking to me at RCIA. Listening to my heart as I work and at work. Blessing me with laughter, tears, food, and nature every day.

I’m so consumed with life and with the screen, and with the future, I don’t notice. But I want to notice. I want to thank you. And I want to give gratitude and praise where it is due. Thank you for family and friends, for dry weather, for Steve, for the spirit, for the kids in RCIA who laugh at my jokes, for Sr. Mary and her seemingly unwavering faith, for Baxter (my fish) who shows me how simple and fulfilling life can be.

God, I remember I used to go on and on in prayer. I’m not sure what I was going on about. All I want to be is a grateful servant. Continue to fill my heart with gratitude that flows more deeply into vocation and calling for my life. Maybe it’s obvious here in this writing whatever it is I’m supposed to do, but I’m blind to it. Fill me with gratitude and revelation.


Prayer for Work

Just Be God’s: A Call to Continuing Conversion is a series of blog posts. You might want to start reading it from the beginning: Here.



God, this is probably going to be a selfish prayer. I guess that’s my usual prayer. Nine times out of ten it seems is just, “Help me.” I don’t know what I’m doing sitting here, in my cube, surrounded by technology, millions of people available to talk to, and innumerable amounts of information. I don’t know where I’m going either. I just need your help.

I need to know and feel that where I am is where I’m supposed to be, and if it’s not that I know that too. I need your peace. I need your direction and guidance especially when I’m not paying attention. I need your willingness to be.

Creator God,

thank you for providing us

with the gift to share our talents.

Provide our community, our nation, our world

the fortitude to provide work for all

which is decent and fair.

Make us faithful stewards

of your creation

to enhance the human dignity

of our global family.

We ask this in the name of Jesus,

who lives and reigns

with you and the Holy Spirit

now and forever.



(From Being Neighbor: The Catechism and Social Justice, USCCB, April 1998)